React less, speak better, connect more

Do you react quickly, he asks, with friends, at work, at home? Every quick reaction costs balance, time and the glow on your face. You think you have won the argument, but you are not in a debate. Listen to the other person even when he is wrong, and don’t use words that make him look small. Reaction, he says, is an enemy, and it sits inside us while we look for enemies outside.

A quick reaction, he says, does more than end a conversation badly. It can turn a difference of opinion into a rift between people, at the office, in the family or among friends, and it can take a long time to repair. It wastes energy, takes away peace of mind and leaves a mark on our personality. Reacting also brings anger and tension, which, he warns, upset the whole body. Avoid it, and you move towards creativity instead: a writer writes better, a thinker thinks more freely.

In his 2025 interview he told the story of a man who heaped abuse on the Buddha, who gave no reaction at all. His disciples were upset, but the point was simple: the moment you react, the other person gains strength and abuses you twice as hard. It happens at home too, he says. It is an exercise: if you react ten times today, try to react only twice. He used to react a lot himself, and slowly learned that reacting drains your strength.

This does not mean pretending you never feel anything. A wise man once told him that anger is not bad in itself: it is natural, like the heat in hot water, and forcing it away rarely works. Fear, anger, disappointment are all part of the personality. Let them come, welcome them, and let them go. Just don’t let them settle in the heart.

In a longer talk he recalls what his brother, a scientist in America, told him forty years ago: “Hukam, if you can, buy peace.” A reaction can turn a difference of opinion into a rift between hearts, and a few days later the matter often turns out not to have mattered at all. Wait before you react.

Many people fear the stage or cannot put their point clearly at home. His rules for speaking: no fear, a clear subject, simple language that reaches the listener’s heart, pauses, and a story or example when the point is long. Practise for five minutes a day in front of a mirror, record yourself, and ask family and friends for feedback. Forty years ago, he says, he spoke very differently from how he speaks today; it is practice.

Connecting with people, he says, takes social and emotional intelligence. Ask yourself what the other person needs, what help they want, what pain is in their heart. They will not say it quickly; once you are connected, they may. Read their eyes and their gestures. Be a good listener. And when they have trusted you with something, keep it to yourself: it is not yours to share. Advice can wait until they want it.

A visitor once came from far away just to tell him he spoke well on YouTube, and his energy rose for the whole day. So praise others when it is true. Read what people say between the lines, listen patiently, never mock, and keep what they tell you to yourself.